Some Jokes I've Heard

Jokes 2008

A Carrot Stuck In His Ear

A young man goes to the emergency room with a carrot stuck in his ear and a banana stuck in his nose. The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Son, you’re not eating right.”


My All Time Favorite Kid’s Joke

Did you hear about the scientists who crossed an abalone with a crocodile?

They thought they’d get an abba-dile, but all they got was a crock-of-baloney.



One payday, Liz received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less than the usual amount, so she went to her boss to complain about it.

“How come,” her boss asked, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

“Well,” said Liz, “I can overlook one mistake, but not two in a row!”


My All Time Favorite Snail Joke

A snail goes into a used car lot to buy a sports car. He picks out a green Mach1 and goes for a test drive with the saleswoman. The snail likes it so much he tells her he’ll take the car if she’ll paint a red ‘S’ on each side of the car.

“The saleswoman said she could do that, but she was curious why the snail wanted it done.

The snail smiled and said “When I go by, I want people to say, ‘Wow, look at that S-car-go!’”


Animal Crackers

A mother and her young son returned from shopping and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

“What are you doing?” his mother asked.

“The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”