Some Jokes I've HeardJokes 2008
The skydiving instructor told his students, "Count to ten and then pull the ripcord."
A student asked, "You-u-u-u wa-wa-wa-want m-m-me to-to ca-ca-ca-count to-to-to w-w-w-what n-n-n-num-m-b-b-b-ber?"
The instructor said, "You can count to one."
All I Want For Christmas Is My Very Own Car
A man on the bus told me, "They use armadillos to make purses. I saw it in Texas."
"Really?" I replied. "I didn't know they could sew."
(I don't like being tricked.)
Mickey And Minnie Mouse
Mickey and Minnie Mouse stood before the judge in divorce-court. The judge asked Mickey, "I understand you want to divorce your wife because you believe she's mentally ill - is that true?"
"No" answered Mickey. "I want a divorce because I know she's f*cking Goofy."
Two Cows Were Talking
Two cows were talking, and the first cow said, "I'm not afraid of Mad Cow Disease."
"Really?" asked the second. "Why?"
The first cow answered, "Because I'm a squirrel!"