See you next year!
Two nuns are taking a Sunday drive. They stop at a red light, and a man leaves the sidewalk and stands in front of the nuns' car. The man's stare makes the ladies uncomfortable.
When the light turns green, the man doesn't move. The driver beeps her horn, and still the man doesn't respond.
"I don't know what to do," says the driver.
"Show him your cross," says the other nun.
"Okay." The driver rolls down her window and shouts, "Hey, jerk, get the hell out of our way!"
If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you’re aiming too high.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for December!
Happy Halloween everybody!
A well-to-do couple walked into a bar and sat next to a drunk. The drunk rudely and loudly passed gas.
“How dare you do that before my wife!” said the offended man.
“I’m sorry,” slurred the drunk. “I didn’t know it was her turn.”
Never try to baptize a cat.
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who ordered a pizza with everyone on it?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Having a wonderful time on vacation! Where am I?
Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.
You might have a drinking problem if your idea of cutting back is deciding to use less seltzer.
Please, somebody email me a good joke! For pity sake!
George and Dick walk into a bar and order drinks.
“I’ll have a V. C.,” smirks Dick.
“How do you make that?” asks the bartender.
“V.C. is shorthand for Vodka Collins,” grumbles Dick.
"Yah," says George.
"Okay," says the bartender. "What will you have sir?"
“Gimme a fifteen,” orders George.
“Huh?” asks the bartender.
“It’s shorthand for seven and seven,” answers George. “Duh!”
In Vegas, a woman came to the pool side bar with her Golden Pekinese. She put the dog on the bar. And before the bartender could complain, a drunk leaned over and threw up all over the poor dog.
“Damn,” said the man, seeing the pathetic pup. “I don’t remember eating that.”
If you’re buying something with cash and you don’t have exact change, say I don’t have exact change. Don’t say I don’t have any cents.
(Learn from my mistakes.)
Halloween, scary story, month, Tiki, morning star, beer, salmon chowder, Easter, men, buses, starship, cupcakes, movies, games, books, vacations, candy, UFO